The irony of life #SoulfulSunday

12 years ago.

I had been married for 3 years already and the pressure to have a baby was mounting upon me.

“Ek bachha to hona hi chahiye.” “You must have one child, atleast.”

The aged ladies had found a business for themselves to interfere in our lives. I never understood why our inability to have a child could become offensive to them as if we were, or precisely speaking I was, committing a crime by not embracing motherhood.

It became a terrible bother because one of them lived in the same house as we did and was available 24 x 7 to come up with creative dialogues leaving no stone unturned in making me feel guilty for the crime I was (or wasn’t) committing.

It wasn’t a cakewalk for me to concieve given the prevailing circumstances. I didn’t know any woman around me who did not have a child or had chosen not to have a child and somewhere down the line, I decided to give in to the pressure. I went through the hard way of IUI which involved hormones injection, visiting the hospital on every alternate day at the other end of the city for follicles monitoring and managing my job further at yet another end of the city. The stress was too much to handle. And, I got this treatment done twice within the duration of 6 months because the first IUI cycle failed to give results.

2015-16.

I entered the world of blogging.

I found amazing women here who were childless, many by choice. These women were strong, empathetic, motivating and inspiring to me in terms of how they led their life though I am sure they must gone through their own process in order to reach this stage.

It was a revelation for me. It was a realisation for me how the orientation of the women in my life, all those years ago, was limiting and faulty in determining the value of a woman by the way of if she can give birth to a child or not. The thought which used to cross my mind frequently in those days was in case I had known these wonderful women in the past, I would not have gone ahead with abusing my body and mind. I would have not given in to the pressure. I would have opted to remain child free.

Life is ironical. I got to meet these inspiring female bloggers through my blog which was a result of my motherhood and parenting tales. It was because of my stories with Dhruv that I got connected with them.

I am joining EshaVinitha and Shilpa this week for Soulful Sunday.

Soulful Sunday

5 comments

  1. I am so sorry you had to experience all that heartache and heartbreak, Anamika! Hugs! Tight hugs!

    Yes, I too went through it all—the questions, the curious glances, the taunts, too. But, we had decided to stay childless thanks to the really difficult situation at home. I did feel alone then, as I too didn’t know any woman who wasn’t a mom. Or, even a woman who was mom to a dog! But, I kept my mouth shut and turned a deaf ear to all that people said. Thankfully, my parents and MIL never asked or mentioned it to me, and maybe that helped me get through it all.

    Having a child should be a woman’s decision, based on her health, her circumstances and most of all, her choice. I wonder when our society will realise this very important matter and learn to mind their own business!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hugs, Anamika. I had no idea what you went through. And yes, it’s ironical that we ‘met’ you through Dhruv.
    I would have loved to have children, but since we both met so late in life, Jose and I decided that we’d take things as they come and not go in for any aggressive treatment. We were open to adoption too, but laws in our country about adoption are biased against age and Christians (we can’t adopt – only be guardians!). What I find so amusing and irritating is when people ask me about my kids and I say I don’t have any, and they go “Oh, sorry!”

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  3. Hugs, Anamika. I am so sorry you went through all that. If you didn’t want children, then there shouldn’t have been any question about it. But that’s never a choice, especially for women! I know a lady who didn’t have children because her husband didn’t want children. She wanted, but since her husband didn’t want any she went along with his choice. It would hardly happen had she was the one who didn’t want children.
    Anyway, what happened to you was far from fair, Anamika. By the time we realize that how twisted it all was time had passed and newer problems had arrived to deal with.
    But of course, we met you through Dhruv. And this meeting has given us a chance to talk our minds openly and freely.🧡

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  4. This post was so personal and touched me so deeply that I haven’t been able to leave a comment though I’ve dropped by here multiple times since I read it. Let me just say that in the end, I’m glad you got Dhruv and that you also found your tribe is a wonderful bonus.

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  5. I am sorry you had to go through so much. It makes me so angry when others decide on whether women should have kids or not. They end up explaining so much even when it doesn’t concern other people. I am glad women are making their opinions heard. Thank you for this heartfelt post.

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