Before beginning my musings today, first of all, I have to thank the readers of my last Monday’s post – Waddling through my depression, especially those who reached out to me to say they were going through a similar situation and my writing about my state was helpful to them in some ways and also those who sent me their healing thoughts and prayers.
In my last post, I mentioned a few changes I have planned to include in my life as a means to address my depression.
Here is the first one –
Since Monday, last week, I started wearing my Fitbit to sleep at night in order to gauge my sleep patterns. The trend, from Monday to Thursday, showed that I was staying awake for longer durations between the sleep cycles, tossing and turning and then the self-imposed (absurd) discipline of waking up at 4 am meant I was hardly getting 5 hours of effective sleep and thus I remained groggy throughout the day.
“Is this one of the contributors to my depression?” I reflected.
Since Thursday night, I incorporated a change. I deleted the morning alarms from the phone and I left the phone in the living room. I took the risk of deleting the morning alarm knowing it very well that if I didn’t wake up on time, Dhruv would get late for school. Missing school is absolutely not an option on any given day. Another thought was if my subconscious wants me to wake up at 4 am then I will be awake at 4 am, with or without the alarm,
Without the alarm, I woke up at 7.30 am on Friday morning, refreshed after an (almost) uninterrupted 6 hour 18 minutes sleep and well in time to prepare the breakfast and lunch boxes, to walk Dhruv to school, to come back home, take a shower and leave for therapy workshop at 9.40 am. All of this without an ounce of exhaustion. All in all, it was a good day.
I practiced the same thing – no alarms set and leaving the phone in the living room at night – on Friday and Saturday nights and my weekend went off well, unlike the last few months. On Saturday, though the chores did briefly show the tendency to cause me stress and headache and slow me down, I insisted on postponing the stress to evening so as to get the important errands done at home and from the market, on the cues of what Vishal Bheeroo shared in his comment last week. In the evening, I sat down for more than an hour giving the mind the promised time to stress out while I coloured. At the end of the stressing out time, I was highly satisfied with my artistic abilities on the paper. I think even my mind was satisfied because it quietened down permitting me another goodnight sleep.
3 good days in a row is a happy feeling and the 4th day, today, looks good too.
On a slightly different note, I have been reading ‘Norwegian Wood‘ and the character I most identify with is Reiko and her fight with mental illness. Reiko has added to my strength.
Linking my post with Monday Musings hosted by Corinne Rodrigues