Waddling through my depression #MondayMusings
Morning scene last Sunday.
The clock struck 7.30 am. I open my eyes.
The clock struck 8.30 am. I am staring outside the window at the blue sky.
The clock struck 10.30 am. I am still in bed, prodding myself to get out of the bed, to begin the day, to cook something to feed the self and the other 2 creatures in the house. And then the side chores and their remembrance weigh the mind down. There is also a visit to the Asian store on the cards to buy vegetables which needs to be done before 5 pm because the store ( and everything else) closes down at 5 pm on Sundays.
Inner voice #1 – “The breakfast
time is already over. Atleast honour lunchtime. Get set go.”
Inner voice #2 – “Noooo. I can’t. Why can’t we just brush our teeth and go to a cafe to have food for lunch? But, first of all, can I get a cup of tea in bed to fuel up my shut down system? Or electrocution?”
Inner voice #1 – “Lunch in a cafe! Wow, what a splendid idea? And who will go, come, whatever? Gobi Manchurian lover Desi pati or sirf ghar ka khaana khaane wala beta? (Auto suggestion tells me the word is Patio, not Pati. Of course, it knows better about my situation.) And whether it is about a cup of tea or electrocution, you have no option but to help yourself. The means to get any or both of them are in the kitchen.”
Inner voice #2 – “Thank you my Inner voice #1 for being extremely motivating and encouraging. Thank you for putting up a comic act even when I want to stay shut down with my melancholic claustrophobic spirit,”
Inner voice #1– “You are welcome anytime. You cannot underestimate the power of the comic. You need it the most, more than the vegetables. The one great thing is you have it closer than you think. It is still there in your head. Use it once, just once and it will get to automatically flowing out.”
By 11 am, I was out and about. The lunch was ready within the next one and a half hours. After which, I sat down with my colouring book and pencil colours, the same colours I had once bought for Dhruv but were never used until now. Colouring has been my go-to relaxation technique along with listening to the guided meditation audios to deal with my current phase of depression. I have also experienced a not so successful Past Life Regression session to treat my anxieties about which I will write in detail someday when I feel valiant enough. And then there is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which I can’t say how it is going at the moment since I am still figuring it out.
My dilemma is – “Does my mind need the fixing or my spirit?”
On days when I can think straight, I am not sure which numbered Inner Voice calls out but it tells me I am undergoing transformation and a greater good is likely to come out of this distressing time.
I am going to be a work-in-progress. There a few things planned for the coming days (not in terms of the blog or blogging) but life. Let’s see how does it all work out from here.
P.S. What happened that Sunday morning happens every morning with the only difference in time.
Linking this post with Monday Musings hosted by Corinne Rodrigues