The Bespectacled Mother

Waddling through my depression #MondayMusings

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Image Source – Pixabay

Morning scene last Sunday.

The clock struck 7.30 am. I open my eyes.

The clock struck 8.30 am. I am staring outside the window at the blue sky.

The clock struck 10.30 am. I am still in bed, prodding myself to get out of the bed, to begin the day, to cook something to feed the self and the other 2 creatures in the house. And then the side chores and their remembrance weigh the mind down. There is also a visit to the Asian store on the cards to buy vegetables which needs to be done before 5 pm because the store ( and everything else) closes down at 5 pm on Sundays.
Inner voice #1 – “The breakfast

time is already over. Atleast honour lunchtime. Get set go.”

Inner voice #2 – “Noooo. I can’t. Why can’t we just brush our teeth and go to a cafe to have food for lunch? But, first of all, can I get a cup of tea in bed to fuel up my shut down system? Or electrocution?”

Inner voice #1 – “Lunch in a cafe! Wow, what a splendid idea? And who will go, come, whatever? Gobi Manchurian lover Desi pati or sirf ghar ka khaana khaane wala beta? (Auto suggestion tells me the word is Patio, not Pati. Of course, it knows better about my situation.) And whether it is about a cup of tea or electrocution, you have no option but to help yourself. The means to get any or both of them are in the kitchen.”

Inner voice #2 – “Thank you my Inner voice #1 for being extremely motivating and encouraging. Thank you for putting up a comic act even when I want to stay shut down with my melancholic claustrophobic spirit,”

Inner voice #1– “You are welcome anytime. You cannot underestimate the power of the comic. You need it the most, more than the vegetables. The one great thing is you have it closer than you think. It is still there in your head. Use it once, just once and it will get to automatically flowing out.”

By 11 am, I was out and about. The lunch was ready within the next one and a half hours. After which, I sat down with my colouring book and pencil colours, the same colours I had once bought for Dhruv but were never used until now. Colouring has been my go-to relaxation technique along with listening to the guided meditation audios to deal with my current phase of depression. I have also experienced a not so successful Past Life Regression session to treat my anxieties about which I will write in detail someday when I feel valiant enough. And then there is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which I can’t say how it is going at the moment since I am still figuring it out.

My dilemma is – “Does my mind need the fixing or my spirit?”

On days when I can think straight, I am not sure which numbered Inner Voice calls out but it tells me I am undergoing transformation and a greater good is likely to come out of this distressing time.

I am going to be a work-in-progress. There a few things planned for the coming days (not in terms of the blog or blogging) but life. Let’s see how does it all work out from here.

P.S. What happened that Sunday morning happens every morning with the only difference in time.

Linking this post with Monday Musings hosted by Corinne Rodrigues

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9 thoughts on “Waddling through my depression #MondayMusings

  1. Hugs, dear Anamika! You have taken steps to tackle the beast and that’s commendable. I’m sure slowly and steadily you will figure out everything and things will be alright. We all are a work in progress. We all are fighting our own battles everyday, losing some days, winning others. At least your inner voices sound funny and encouraging. 😀❤️

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  2. I don’t know what to say. It’s immensely courageous of you to share this with us. At the same time, I hope you are better. Are you seeking therapy? I hope the family is being extra supportive. I am sending you healing vibes and prayers so that the inner voices go away and that you are able to beat this depression.

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  3. I just want to say that let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. The problem with us women is that we don’t even have time to be depressed as we have to keep moving from one task to another every single day. So, don’t bottle up what you are feelin. Hugs.

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  4. I can tell you one thing after reading this, Anamika. This too shall pass even though right now it seems like it is here to stay. Just know that you are going to get better soon. Do follow what your therapist says but also acknowledge that some days you will feel so crappy that nothing will work. But you and you alone will be able to lift yourself out of that state towards light and positivity. Sending you loads of healing vibes and sunshine. I’d like to believe that CBT will help you in the long run. Take care.

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  5. Hugs Anamika for finding this courage and this inner voice, always listen to it. The anxiety hit me this week and told it, Not today, come later 🙂 Courage to souls like us facing the ongoing struggle but spot the light at the far end.

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  6. Holding you in love and pray and as always admiring your honesty, Anamika. ♥

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  7. Pingback: Addressing my Depression (1) – Lack of sound sleep #MondayMusings | The Bespectacled Mother

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