4 Steps I follow to make my introvert child more confident #MMM

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I am an introvert and I will tell you I hated it every time people told me to be more open, to talk more and to socialize more. I am extremely comfortable in my own skin now after having spent a large part of my life in confusion trying to figure out if I am an alien in my world which is mostly inhabited by outgoing people.

I know about myself that I thrive in my interactions with like minded people and will just be nodding my head to the point of exhaustion when with other types of people. I avoid social gatherings most of the times because it is mostly about dressing up, discussing clothes and jewelry and gossiping, areas I am least qualified in. Therefore, you know that if I am there, I would have made great efforts on my part.

I have witnessed similar traits in Dhruv over the past years where he would just stick to me constantly asking for my attention, remain busy playing alone in his own world within the security of my presence and never trying to make friends. Coming from my childhood and growing up experiences, I think I understood him much better and he is doing fine at present.

During the initial days after the school reopened this year, Dhruv one day told me, after he came back from school, that he is a shy person and he does not speak much. I am not sure if his teacher told him so or whether he picked it up on his own from a random conversation. That day I heard him attentively and gave it a deeper thought. Who knows it better than me the ills of being labeled a shy child? Next day, I discussed with him with an intent to change his inner dialogue.

I wanted him to think about himself as a warm and kind person who takes a little extra time to observe people around him and once done with this he is the most friendliest person.

I convinced him with examples from the numerous times when I have observed this about him in various extracurricular classes we have both attended. I made him see that the shyness he is experiencing is because those were still the initial days of the new school year with new children in his class and things will change for better with few more days passing. This came as true and after a week or so he couldn’t just stop chattering about his and his classmates’ mischiefs.

In case you ask me what I have done or am doing to make him more friendly and for developing his social skills, I think I am not doing anything prominently in this direction. I don’t think he should be going out and mingling with every kid or grown-up if he is not comfortable with. My main idea for him is to feel at home the way he is and accept himself.

The thing which is important here is he must have a positive self image and self-confidence because then everything else tends to follow suit.

The things which I try to do to in this direction are –

Never let him miss his play-time in the evening – 

Getting together with his group of friends and playing with them in the evening is never compromised unless it is raining hard. The physical aspect of playing keeps him stay happy and improves his concentration. There are testing days when the boys end up quarreling or cornering someone or the other and it becomes a learning process for Dhruv to deal with his emotions. Sometimes I intervene, many a time I do not. It is crucial for him to fight his small battles on his own.

Participation in school and apartment complex’s activities – 

Nowadays, schools do a lot from the very beginning in making children accustomed to aspects beyond academics. There are frequent individual and group activities held in his class. If there is any topic to be spoken upon in the class, Dhruv always wants to go prepared and I am more than happy to make my contribution.

There are group dance performances in the apartment complex at various times and it comes from within him to participate. My role is to facilitate his reaching the right place at the right time on the first day and then he takes it from there.

One thing that needs to be worked upon now is a solo performance given the fact he does not have stage fright.

Extra-curricular classes – 

With full-time school, there is no time for extracurricular activities now but until last year when he used to be back home from school by 12.30 pm, we were a regular to after school classes on most weekdays. He has done 2 levels of phonics and 1 level of grammar in addition to kids cooking classes. Learning new skills is a great confidence booster.

These days we are more into attending weekend book events and storytelling sessions at a book store in our part of the city.

Positive encouragement – 

I try to be watchful for any negative self-talk that creeps into him and work around it to create a positive message. I also work on staying aware myself in case I am resorting to labeling him. Focusing my energy on his positives and giving him instances, funny and insightful from my school days and beyond have been quite helpful.

With all these efforts, there has been visible improvement in his personality compared to earlier times. I hope both of us are able to sustain it in the future also.


This post has been written for the #MondayMommyMoments prompt for this week – Share the ways to make an introvert child more friendly or to boost their confidence.

Linking this post to #MondayMommyMoments hosted by Deepa Gandhi and Dr. Amrita Misra

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This post earned me the award of being the ‘Featured Mom’ for week 36 of #MondayMommyMoments .

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16 thoughts on “4 Steps I follow to make my introvert child more confident #MMM

  1. Nabanita Dhar says:

    I’m an introvert too. Only as a grown up now I’m forced to speak and interact which I’m not really comfortable doing. S is also not much of a talker. And till now M seems to be just the opposite of us. Will keep these points in mind in case she turns to be like me as a child. The most important thing to do as parents is to help them have a positive self-image and how comfortable they are in their own skin, that’s what matters the most.

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  2. Shipra Trivedi says:

    I was introvert until I joined my MCA course. Although I loved myself before also but after completing my course I realized that extra confidence always opens new gates of opportunities for me and I overcame my shyness. Great post Aamika. Loved reading about your life.

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  3. vishalbheeroo says:

    It’s a great approach to equip Dhruv in terms of play time, fighting his own battle or being encouraged to participate in things. I grew up shy and as an introvert where I preferred my company, spoke to myself and played alone. I still have elements of an introvert soul but get most talkative with people that I am comfortable with.

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  4. Vinitha says:

    You are doing a fantastic job, Anamika. The way you handled in peeling the shy label of Dhruv’s mind is commendable. I often tell my husband that we should not talk in front of kids that their behavior is in some way. Our label talks become solid foundation of their mind. When I was a kid my mom and aunts used to discuss that I had a very strong mind and I never opens up, that’s my trait they felt. I believed this and thought that I should be like that. To this date I can’t open up to them including my mom. If only they realized what they had done! Dhruv is a lucky boy to have you as his mother. You are awesome. ❤️

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  5. Ramya says:

    Good advice Anamika. Even iam trying the same with my elder one. Without pushing him to make friends, iam telling him to get to know his classmates and listen to them. Extra curricular activities really help in this aspect. Though i was shy in childhood iam quite opposite now and i realized i enjoy mingling with like minded people and iam not an introvert. I think, many factors change people as they grow eventhough their core personality will not change.

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  6. Akshata Ram says:

    So glad I read this and I must thank Dr Amrita for tagging me on twitter. My personality borers between an introvert and extrovert. Some people have labelled me as an introvert and most people make it sound like a bad trait when the reality is it’s just a personality type. My toddler who was not used to many people at home was a bit shy initially and preferred being alone but with time and getting to know more kids in the apartment she is emerging out of her shell. Loved your tips

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  7. Parul Thakur says:

    I like that you are helping Dhruv become a confident person. I think that’s the most important thing. I am an ambivert and I have my shy and talkative moments. Growing up, I was labelled ‘reserved’ which I carried with me for all my growing up years. As I learnt to be more confident of my personality, things changed by themselves.
    A well thought out and written post, Anamika.

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  8. Obsessivemom says:

    Loved your post. Those are such practical guidelines. What’s important is that Dhruv learns to love himself just the way he is, that he knows it’s okay to be shy as long as it doesn’t hamper his social life. You really are doing a great job as a parent Anamika.

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  9. kreativemommy says:

    I was an introvert too, Anamika. I can relate to your post and all are very valid points. Kids need to be encouraged and need our support. Parents can only help them and guide them. Thanks for linking up with #MondayMommyMoments.

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  10. writershilpa says:

    This is the best thing any mother could possibly do for her introverted child. Letting the child learn through his experiences and building a positive self image through your interactions with him is the right thing to do. That’s what my mother did when I was little.
    Congratulations Anamika…this post is brilliantly written!

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  11. Esha Mookerjee-Dutta says:

    Congratulations for being the ‘featured blogger’ of #MMM, Anamika! I think this is a fantastic post that everyone who has an introvert for a child should read. Many parents label kids as shy when they are actually introverts and it makes it difficult for them to make friends and socialise as they grow up. Your efforts in this direction are commendable, because you being one, understand Dhruv so very well. It is amazing to see how children of all types bloom into as they grow up and the efforts of the school and home environment either make or mar their future. I myself have been at both ends of the spectrum, being shy and introverted both and so has the case been with Arjyo. Having said that, Arjyo does way better than me when it comes to public speaking and yet in some ways, takes a lot of time to make friends with strangers, than I do. We are both better and worse than each other in some ways, but talking about it helps. I did my best to come out of my shell over the years without any help from parents or teachers whatsoever and have managed to overcome some of the inhibitions that were very deep-seated in me. Sometimes I wish I had my older self to guide the little me when I going through the struggles of an introverted child! Wishful thinking!!!

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