5 ways I work to deal with my yelling problem #MondayMusings
Dhruv, stay seated.
Dhruv, stop talking and finish your meal fast.
Dhruv, this is what I have cooked today and you will have to eat it, whether you like it or not.
Dhruv, get ready fast, we have to leave in 5 minutes.
This must be the common scenario in every home with a change of situations and definitely change of names.
How many times it happens that we, as parents, reach the brink of our patience levels. We keep reminding the children but our reminders fell on deaf ears causing us to lose our patience and yelling at such times becomes inevitable.
I have been guilty of yelling out aloud creating shudders often. But, I am working on myself to get the tasks completed or to get the other pair of ears dedicated to listening to me without letting the steam blow off my mind.
Staying aware is the key.
I have known the consequences of yelling for myself and Dhruv where my pressure shoots up and he goes into his shell with both of us, later, requiring considerable efforts and time to get back to our natural selves. This situation is somewhat like the war and the restoration afterwards where resources are unnecessarily destroyed first and then more resources are later needed to rebuild. Staying aware can prevent the wastage.
Here is how I deal with my anger when it comes to yelling –
Constant inner dialogue –
I reiterate ‘Yelling is not acceptable.’ Tasks DO get done when approached with love and calmness.
Questioning myself –
- Can I resort to yelling at the spouse when he irritates me and hope to come out unscathed? No.
- Am I okay to be yelled at even if I am at fault? No.
- Then, how can I assume the little fellow will be fine when I yell at him?
Deep breaths –
Nothing works wonders like deep breaths. A moment of deep breath brings back the awareness and all the inner functioning to the mind’s surface.
The pause that I take in this process helps me to see the situation in a detached manner, thereby helping me to avert further meltdowns, both his and mine.
Understanding my triggers –
Certain circumstances are more trickier for us as adults to deal with causing our energies to run low. And, if in this event, some more disturbances get added then we are sure to get blown off.
I am least productive after 7 pm, what with the need to prepare dinner, get Dhruv to finish it off within time and put him to bed. There was a time when inspite of my frequent warnings he wouldn’t complete his homework in the afternoon and used to keep it for the night. I couldn’t cope up with sitting with him constantly monitoring his homework and also finishing off the chores without getting late. This was stressful and I yelled a lot. Eventually, both of us worked around this and we have peaceful evenings now.
Appraising myself –
I do not wait for anyone to come and appraise me when I get over a situation calmly. It is for me to do since I know my battles better.
When I react with yelling, I give myself the discount to fare much better the next time since the testing situations will not cease and will be galore in future.