Dealing with someone’s anger #MondayMusings

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Image source – Pixabay

Imagine!

A person is yelling at you for reasons you cannot understand or may be you do. That person is rejecting you with every sharp word that comes out of her mouth. What would you do in such a situation? Talk back, yell back or leave the place?

If you ask me, I will tell you it depends. If the person yelling and rejecting are my parents, I might talk back. If that person is my mother-in-law, I will leave the place.  However, on scrutinizing both the scenarios, one may realize that they aren’t helpful in minimizing the ill-effects of anger on account of both the parties. 

Can there be an alternative way?

One day, a few months ago, I learned there can be one.

It was getting past 8 pm. Dinner had been served 15 minutes earlier. I had been feeding Dhruv and it was taking a lot of time. I was getting impatient by every minute taking stock of my remaining chores to be finished before winding up the day. I wanted to rush with feeding him and he, as usual, was his chatterbox self eating slowly. My constant reminders to him to keep mum and eat faster were not yielding fruitful results. And there, without realizing,  I inserted a big chapati bite into his mouth which made him vomit it out in the plate. This was the brink of my patience. I left the table in frustration, yelling about how much work I have to do all day and on top of that I have to feed him too. I rejected him for being a 5 year old and still not eating by himself. I kept moving around the kitchen completing the remaining tasks in this fit of anger. He was following me with his hands spread gesturing me to give him a hug. I rejected him some more with “First you cannot eat your meal by yourself, then you vomit and then you need  a hug. Enough is enough, I won’t give it.

He kept following me undeterred in the same way.  Watching his perseverance and the innocence on his face, I finally knelt down on the floor to give him the hug. I hugged him telling,”A hug won’t solve your problem of not eating your food. Why do you keep asking for hugs when you cannot finish your food?” To this he said in a calm tone, “Mummy, I was not asking a hug for myself. I was asking to give you a hug because you work so hard all day.

My anger got washed away in tears with this.

Thus, the alternative way is compassion. While I talk about it, he practices it.

Linking up with #MondayMusings hosted by Corinne Rodrigues,

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#mg hosted by Mackenzie Glanville,

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and, Microblog Mondays hosted by Melissa Ford

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24 thoughts on “Dealing with someone’s anger #MondayMusings

  1. nabanita says:

    Oh this is so beautiful. Such a wonderful boy. As I was reading, I could understand what you must be feeling, your anger and frustration because feeding M is so tough after a hard day. And there have been times when I have shouted at her even though she couldn’t possibly understand what I was saying. But just like Dhruv she kept following me so that I would carry. And one look at her and carrying her when she put her head on my shoulders melted all the anger. Kids, I tell you. But yes, I loved Dhruv’s way of comforting you. You are doing something right here. Keep at it 🙂

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  2. Esha Mookerjee-Dutta says:

    How real and how often this happens to us all the time! As a mom dealing with a fractious child may be hard enough but we also have to keep in mind that sometimes it is not the child who is fractious – It is us. There may be reasons best known to us that a child may not be able to understand it at all. And when we snap at them, they feel uncomfortable and wish to reach out for a friendly hand. I understand this so well, Anamika. I’ve been there countless times and I know what you felt as a mother that day. You know over the past 12 years as a mother I’ve learnt to admit I’m fallible and I too make mistakes and now I try to rectify them by talking about my stresses with Arjyo and he understands so well. He gives me a shoulder to cry on and a hug when I need it the most, just as a friend would. This too shall pass. It’s all a part of him growing up as a child learning to do his own things and you too growing up as a mother, learning to let go at times and deciding to take it easy. A big hug for both you and Dhruv ❤ 🙂

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  3. Beat About The Book says:

    Aw I want to give him a hug and one to you too. It’s amazing how he knows instinctively what you need. Touch wood to that sensitivity. I hope he always retains it. You have a really wonderful son.

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  4. Rachna says:

    Wow! That was so heartwarming. Well done, Dhruv. You too, Anamika. I know l ‘ve had my meltdowns and have felt ashamed later. Sometimes there is so much work that it makes us short tempered. But our kids are such a joy.

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  5. alisonlonghurst says:

    This is simply gorgeous! My eldest daughter who is nearly 18, does the same. When she can see that I’m stressed, she wraps her arms around me. A lovely post. Alison x #mg

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  6. Anitha says:

    Awww! Dhruv is so sweet and innocent. I could imagine the little guy wandering around to give you a hug. Give him an extra hug from me for reminding me whats important!

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  7. mackenzieglanville says:

    oh what a sweetheart he is. I can relate, my son always liked to be fed, but the process is so slow and I would become impatient. We can all learn from your little boy #mg

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  8. Parul Thakur says:

    Wow! Dhruv is such a sweet child. I am glad he was around you and you know what? I think you were more worried about the chores that added to the anger. Such a lovely lesson, Anamika. Compassion is important and works even in tough situations like at work.

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  9. Ashley says:

    Such a sweet boy! I too find it hard to remain patient when it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and the child seems uncooperative. I’m glad you were able to make amends! It’s a lovely reminder to be present with our children. Thank you for sharing!

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  10. Mithila Menezes says:

    Ohmygosh, the ending was so sweet! I earnestly hope that the little one remains compassionate like this forever and always 🙂

    I guess the best way to understand anger, is to understand the emotion behind the reaction, and not stay fixated on the reaction itself. I do my best to follow this, and it does have a calming effect on many situations!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Sid Balachandran says:

    Uff! Kids do know to say the right things at the right times – sometimes, by choice; often accidentally.
    I’m struggling with some lack of patience and temper tantrums myself – of course, I’m just talking about me here 😀
    Compassion is definitely the way forward, but it’s a thin line between compassion and being considered a push over by kids; so just treading it carefully for now.

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  12. Healthwealthbridge by Dr.Amrita Basu says:

    Anamika that’s a story which brought tears to my eyes. You have obviously taught Dhruva well ,for him to show such kindness and compassion at this age. Don’t be hard on yourself.All moms try ,all the time .It was so nice of you to visit #MondayMommyMoments .This one makes me realize how important are our behaviour as moms .

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Neha says:

    Oh! Such a beautiful thought from a 5year old! I will keep this in mind when I yell the next time. I can totally relate to the situation you are mentioning, with two kids at times it feels that like chores never end

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  14. deepagandhi says:

    Ohh..this is such a heartfelt post Anamika. I felt I was reading my story as that is what I do sometimes and regret later. I guess all mothers experience this as we run out of patience too at times. Dhruv is a sweet boy..hugs to him 🙂 Thanks for linking up with #MMM.

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