A person is yelling at you for reasons you cannot understand or may be you do. That person is rejecting you with every sharp word that comes out of her mouth. What would you do in such a situation? Talk back, yell back or leave the place?
If you ask me, I will tell you it depends. If the person yelling and rejecting are my parents, I might talk back. If that person is my mother-in-law, I will leave the place. However, on scrutinizing both the scenarios, one may realize that they aren’t helpful in minimizing the ill-effects of anger on account of both the parties.
Can there be an alternative way?
One day, a few months ago, I learned there can be one.
It was getting past 8 pm. Dinner had been served 15 minutes earlier. I had been feeding Dhruv and it was taking a lot of time. I was getting impatient by every minute taking stock of my remaining chores to be finished before winding up the day. I wanted to rush with feeding him and he, as usual, was his chatterbox self eating slowly. My constant reminders to him to keep mum and eat faster were not yielding fruitful results. And there, without realizing, I inserted a big chapati bite into his mouth which made him vomit it out in the plate. This was the brink of my patience. I left the table in frustration, yelling about how much work I have to do all day and on top of that I have to feed him too. I rejected him for being a 5 year old and still not eating by himself. I kept moving around the kitchen completing the remaining tasks in this fit of anger. He was following me with his hands spread gesturing me to give him a hug. I rejected him some more with “First you cannot eat your meal by yourself, then you vomit and then you need a hug. Enough is enough, I won’t give it.”
He kept following me undeterred in the same way. Watching his perseverance and the innocence on his face, I finally knelt down on the floor to give him the hug. I hugged him telling,”A hug won’t solve your problem of not eating your food. Why do you keep asking for hugs when you cannot finish your food?” To this he said in a calm tone, “Mummy, I was not asking a hug for myself. I was asking to give you a hug because you work so hard all day.”
My anger got washed away in tears with this.
Thus, the alternative way is compassion. While I talk about it, he practices it.
Linking up with #MondayMusings hosted by Corinne Rodrigues,
#mg hosted by Mackenzie Glanville,
and, Microblog Mondays hosted by Melissa Ford