10 positive techniques to discipline our sons

boy-2944695_960_720

In the last article, we had seen the unique characteristics of boys (under the age of 5) and how they are different from girls. Equal but, yes, at the same time different. We have thus taken the first step to understanding our sons better.

Here are 10 techniques to encourage your son to listen, engage and accept discipline and boundaries. These techniques work with most of the boys. They are not difficult, but the more you try them the more they will work.

  • Touch and talk

If you want his attention, touch your son on the arm. Even if he looks away his ears will open. This isn’t a grip or a tug, just a touch.

  • Low and slow

If you want him to listen to what you say, you will need to deepen your voice and slow down your speech. This is just low and slow, not aggressive or angry.

  • Fewer words

Whatever you want him to do, strip it down to as few words as possible without commentary. If you go from ‘I have asked you ten times to put those toys away, but you are not doing it’, to ‘TOYS AWAY PLEASE’.

  • Look over here

If he is becoming too focussed on something that is likely to lead to him getting upset, then draw his attention onto something else, such as another toy, something funny, someone else, or another activity. A little diversion in attention can avoid the impending rage or tears.

  • Know the rules

Boys need to be told the rules. They rarely ask what they are. Assume he doesn’t know how to behave in a supermarket, so tell him ‘here we walk’, ‘the trolley is pushed slowly, ‘we put in the basket what is on the list.’ Boys often see the world as a playground so if there are rules they need to be told to them, and often more than once.

  • Walk and talk

A lot of boys find it easier to talk when on the move. We ask boys to sit down and talk, but they are often more comfortable when they are in motion. If you have to have a difficult conversation, then try walking him around the block.

  • Say the NO

Especially if you tend to give him a lot of explanations and certainly if he knows he should not be doing it, a very firm NO will do the trick. If he is about to throw something at someone, say NO firmly, but not aggressively or threateningly. An explanation can follow later, but he needs to know there is no negotiation.

  • Nip in the bud

Some parents say they ask their sons to do something ten times and then shout. Sometimes this is about timing, if you use the techniques above when you can see that something WILL become a problem, then both of you are more relaxed. Sort it out before it becomes a drama.

  • Explain later when calm

When the level of tension is low is the best time to deal with situations. As parents, we usually want to explain what our children did wrong at the time. Even if your son is able to reflect, he probably won’t be able to at a time when both of you are upset. Wait until later, when you are close and cuddling to discuss it calmly and quietly.

  • Time Out for YOU

Usually, Time Out is suggested as a way for the child to sit by themselves, so they are able to reflect on what they have done. This does not work for under fives because they don’t reflect in that way. This time out is for you, giving you a chance to reflect. You are the adult, problems arise because of the way two people react to each other and you have a part to play in the drama.

Are you questioning whether the above techniques are going to work?

The good news is boys form habits quickly, thanks to the ‘Three-week rule.’ If you use any of these techniques consistently for three weeks they will become a habit and you will find you need to use them less and less.

PS –  I am not an expert but a regular mom of a boy who has taken help of a few parenting courses (during my 2-year long stay in UK) to get to know my son better. All the points covered in this article are based on references to the ‘About Boys Course (0-5)’ which I attended in 2013.


First published on BabyChakra

13 Questions on books – A Book Lover’s Tag #MondayMusings

autumn-mood-1229981_960_720

Image Source – Pixabay

Every morning, I wake up. Trust me I do.

Then, I sit down all by myself for 15 minutes in the living room letting my mind go on for a random wander. To tell you, each day it starts with taking into account the presence of books in the room; the colourful picture books, the dull thicker ones, the box sets, and all the others; and the first thought it creates is gratitude for the books in my life. I can’t imagine a life without books.

Thus, when Esha of Soul Talk tagged me last week to answer a few questions on books and reading, I knew it right away what was going to be the next post on Monday Musings.

Here are my answers to her questions – Continue reading

5 ways boys are different from girls

 

boys and girls

Image Courtesy – The Suburban

Boys are different from girls!

It is difficult disciplining sons while with daughters it is relatively much easier. Raise your hand if you have heard this or have talked about this.

Well, since I am the mother of an only son, I do not have the first-hand experience in this regard but have definitely heard about the same from fellow moms who are raising both sons and daughters. They often tell how exhausting it can be disciplining little boys while it isn’t the case with their daughters.

This led me to look into the research made in this area of how boys, even under the age of 5, are different from the girls in the same age group. These research findings are particularly helpful in understanding our boys better.

Let us look at the 5 main findings Continue reading

Faded love for Kindle #MondayMusings

kindle-1245899_960_720

Image Source – Pixabay

I am going through a reading slump.

This is not usually the case with me. I am slow but a regular at reading which means I take a longer time to finish my books in the daily course of my routine life. Unless of course, if I drop down everything else and just read the whole day and this does not occur often. The last time it happened was in August

In September, I bought Kindle thinking this would bring a revolution in my life. I was happy that now I shall be able to read even with the lights switched off at night and for all other reasons, Kindle is favoured among avid readers. Beaming with excitement, I bought 3 books in a row. Continue reading

Weight – the gains and losses #MondayMusings

Weight

Image courtesy : Pixabay

Top post on IndiBlogger, the biggest community of Indian Bloggers
It was last December that I decided to seriously do something concrete about my long-time neglected health. To start with, it meant I had to lose weight.

I have lost and gained weight many times in the last 15 years. I have tried abstaining from food. I have tried customized diets based upon my blood group. I have tried quick fixes like passive weight loss techniques of VLCC and Bodycare. I have read most of Rujuta Diwekar’s books. And, I did walking though never regularly and religiously. If you have lived in Delhi, you know how uncomfortable it can be to go out and indulge in any kind of physical activity because it will either be too hot and sweaty or too cold and shivering. I am well aware that fitness freaks do exist in such weather conditions but I wasn’t one of them. Continue reading

The illustrator’s alien #MondayMusings

All of you stand in a line with your kites and I will click a picture of you,” the instructor called out to the children.

Obediently, all the children formed a horizontal line showing off their kites or rather their drawings of kites. All the kites were perfectly held pointing upwards as if ready to soar high to touch the classroom’s ceiling. Only one kite was facing downwards as if it had already kissed the vast skies finally swooping down to the ground but caught midway. The child with the upside down kite was Dhruv.

This was not the only instance where he stood as the odd one out. He has performed a drill for his school’s sports day facing the opposite direction while all others faced the audience. And, there have been many other similar occasions. Continue reading

You are the Rebel Girl #MondayMusings

b206dd53a88a716d2a59fccbf51ad8c0_original

Image Courtesy – Kickstarter.com

There is a widely popular book for children these days by the name ‘Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls’. We are also fond of it and every once in a while Dhruv asks me to read a few pages from the book to him.

But as it happens, by the time he finishes reading aloud to me there is limited time left for reading Rebel Girls. Hence, there is always this disagreement between us as to how many pages we will read. We give each other conservative figures and since the bedtime is ticking away in my mind, my conservative figure is way less than his. He would say 10, I would say 2. Owing to the bargaining rule of “Chalo tumhari na meri…“, I end up reading a number somewhere between 2 and 10.

Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls is his go-to book for exploring names of countries, Continue reading

Back after a hiatus #MondayMusings

I am back.

I am back after a hiatus of 3 weeks.

Taking a Blogging Break

Image courtesy: Momma wants Java

Why did I take a break?

Learning SEO concepts and blog monetization – 

I realised I was not getting any time previously from my blogging and daily schedule to devote to new learnings and it had also become exhausting. I have huge respect for those who never skip a day of blogging or remain fairly regular (or maybe they do but nobody notices) because I cannot. I need a break after every 2-3 months to take a pause to check upon my anchor’s displacement Continue reading

8 questions for treat #MondayMusings

I realize it has been a considerable time since I treated you with Dhruv’s questions last. Keeping the entertainment quotient high for this week’s Monday Musings, here are his questions –

school-2253459_960_720

Image source: Pixabay

  1. How many flights does one have to change when going to Brazil from India? (There have been similar questions in the past too and they never seem to end.)
  2. If it would take 7 days by road to reach Delhi from Bangalore then how many days will it take to reach Gurgaon? And what if we started our journey from Mysore instead of Bangalore, then how many days? (This is just one scenario. I have tried mapping distances from various Indian cities to Pakistan, Afghanistan, and even Jordan. The Google Maps has been of no help. How did he get to know Jordan, a small country which might go untraceable on the world map is my question.)
  3. Is Hawai a very cold place because there is ‘hawa‘ (read: the wind) in its name? (No connection, does it seem to us?)
  4. Shouldn’t we be discussing the stories in my books with each other like we discuss the ones in his books? (Now, this can be tricky.)
  5. Why do people flush their dead pet fish in the toilet? Do the fish not deserve some kindness from humans?
  6. Why is his life so boring waking up every morning at the same time followed by freshening up followed by brushing teeth followed by eating a banana followed by taking a bath followed by getting into school uniform followed by having an egg and a cup of milk for breakfast followed by picking up his bag and lunch bag and going to school? (Do you remember my complaining similarly about my morning schedule a few weeks back?)
  7. Why am I never satisfied with the way he writes in his notebooks since every time I keep complaining either he writes too big or he writes too small?
  8. Why does he always lose in the board games and I always end up winning? (I don’t tell him this way the game ends faster. I have been advised by my elders to let him win.)

On a closing note, I have been rechristened with a new name. Actually, not one but two – Badspectacled Mother and Madspectacled Mother. I see it a good way to practice rhyming words, however.


Linking this post to #MondayMusings

#Monday Musings

4 Steps I follow to make my introvert child more confident #MMM

How-to-make-an.png

I am an introvert and I will tell you I hated it every time people told me to be more open, to talk more and to socialize more. I am extremely comfortable in my own skin now after having spent a large part of my life in confusion trying to figure out if I am an alien in my world which is mostly inhabited by outgoing people.

I know about myself that I thrive in my interactions with like minded people and will just be nodding my head to the point of exhaustion when with other types of people. I avoid social gatherings most of the times because it is mostly about dressing up, discussing clothes and jewelry and gossiping, areas I am least qualified in. Therefore, you know that if I am there, I would have made great efforts on my part.

I have witnessed similar traits in Dhruv over the past years Continue reading